you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
