i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
