Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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