I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Who died my cat blue again?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
