This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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