Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
