I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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