Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
