the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
