My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
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