Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
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