Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
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Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
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You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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