we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
