I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
God, I missed his penis.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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