I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
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I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
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I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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