does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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