Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you win again, gameday.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
