Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
