my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
