i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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