I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Less talking, more tequila
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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