you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
