I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
