She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
