Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
