why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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