I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
