You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
