genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
