i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
