Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
