Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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