If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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