Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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