I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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