Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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