We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize