Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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