Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
