Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize