My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
