brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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