Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
