her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
