My liver just broke up with me...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
