he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
