I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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