the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
