great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
