I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
