"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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