I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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