If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
