I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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