Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
