we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
