i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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