a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
