My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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