well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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