don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
