I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
