who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
