I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
