I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
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