My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
