I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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