Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
