Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
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