I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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