Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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