he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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