Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
