Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
