for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Green mimosas i think yes
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
