I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
