I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
